Friday, October 25, 2013

Numbering the days

It's been a whirlwind week.
Starting last Thursday afternoon when I found out that my former boss and good friend of my whole family (Robby) went home to be with Jesus.  He'd been waiting for the day when he would see Jesus face-to-face, and lived accordingly.  What a man of God.  He spent time in the Word, prayed for others faithfully and was a great encourager.  He was everyone's "dad". When my parents couldn't make it to my college graduation Robby came along with my extended family.  He even got pizza with us afterwards and got me flowers!  He gave me a job when I had no prospects--and paid me way more than I was worth! What a legacy he left among my family, his church family and his biological family. I felt sad that he was gone, although I rejoiced that he was free from pain and suffering.  I decided Friday night to drive back to Ohio for the funeral.  Granted, I didn't get as much sleep or eat as much as I usually do, and maybe drank a little more caffeine than I usually do, but nothing too out of the ordinary.  As I was starting my morning drive on Saturday after stopping to rest for a few hours, I suddenly passed out.  I woke up to some men knocking on my window and telling me that I had crashed into the guardrail.  This isn't the first time I've passed out, but it's definitely the scariest.  Never have I felt so vulnerable or so close to death.  Thank God, I didn't hit anyone else, I had no passengers to freak out, and I wasn't injured-- It left me a bit shook up though.  James 4:14 says, "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away."
And I came away with a totally different perspective.  Upon talking to my family and a few close friends and mentors, I was advised to go to the doctors and see what is going on with my body.  So tomorrow is the day I will go to the hospital for an MRI and a host of other tests upon referral of a local doctor.  It's probably nothing, I tell myself. But maybe it is...either way, I trust that God has a bigger better plan than me anyways.
As I sat in the ambulance in shock last Saturday morning trying to process what I had just experienced, I remember thinking, "how should I be acting right now?" I know I could've been standing before my Maker, but that doesn't frighten me--in fact I look forward to that day! But right NOW, while I'm here on earth, how do I live my life to make it count.  How can I be representing the God who has given me breath for my physical life, and undeserved gift of grace for an eternal life?  This is what the Psalmist said in 90:12 NIV: Teach us to number our days, *that we may gain a heart of wisdom.(Some versions say *that we may present to You a heart of wisdom).  
I think maintaining an eternal perspective has to do with trusting God.  I find myself worrying about even the tiniest little details, but God has it all figured out!  My worrying about where I'm going to get money for the next phase of life, or where I will serve, or how to be a better sister, or what so-and-so thinks of me, etc doesn't change the outcome for the better.  If I could live in confidence that the very One who MADE me and the world around me can take care of it soo much better than me, I could represent Him so much better.  I can be freed up to love and live with reckless abandon (within reason...!)
This past week we finished a class where we broke up into teams and taught through the old testament and how God was working and bringing the fulfillment of His promises up to the coming of the promised Redeemer and then the ultimate gift of love (sacrifice) of Christ's death to pay the penalty for our sins that we could never ever pay on our own.  I'm left feeling even more convinced of the truth of God and His word, and the conviction that this is something so worth living and giving my life for.  I hope you've found the message to be life-transforming as well.
So pray for me tomorrow, for peace and a calm dependence on the Lord so I can represent Him well-and thank Him whatever the outcome.
Fall is my favorite [season].