Control Freak?

This week, some things went down, that I was not expecting. Through some misunderstandings and miscommunications I kind of thought I was not going to be at my job any longer. No one's fault, but I'm sure glad I took the time to go talk with the person about it.

It was stressful, let me tell you. I thought of how much I've learned and grown at my work. I thought of all the kids I care so much about, I didn't even think I was going to get to say goodbye and it HURT. I cried, and struggled with what the right thing to do was. I had a few family members and a close friend pray for me, but since I was uncertain as to what was going to happen, or what was really going on with communication about the situation, I didn't feel that I could really talk about it to others. Anyway, I finally came to the point where I surrendered it to God. I knew I could probably never find such a cool job (though maybe not even true), I knew it would be hard to lose so many friends, mentors and all my kids. And what would I do with myself?! But I finally realized and admitted that it was out of my hands, and I would be okay with however it turned out.

THEN, I went and spoke with my boss about everything. It turned out some bad timing, a bad situation and bad communication all contributed to this chaos. They decided that I could move to the girls house (which I'm currently very excited about...because after all, "Girls are better than boys"!! Lol, I'm just kidding. I like them both;).

Then I came home and thought, "Did I like majorly overreact?!" I don't think I did. I think we worked some things out in the process. I realized that even in the bad times, that I like what I do. I think it was good to get some feedback, and give some too (and they were really nice!)

Most of all, I think this dramatic situation reminds me of Abraham and Isaac. God gave Abraham something really cool (A son in his old age), something that was promised to him, something that seemed so impossible, and something that he loved very much. Then God asked him to surrender it. He asked him to kill that dream. Maybe God wanted to know if Abraham loved that gift more than The Giver.

That's how I felt about my job. Okay, fine. Sometimes I might brush off God, and say that I'm already doing ministry. I don't need to worry about anything else. After all, "I have a mission field right where I'm at"--sometimes we do say that. (In the USA, I mean). Anyway, I realized that if God calls me somewhere else--which He very well may--I'm gonna have to give up some really important things. Things that I'm selfish about, when it may be an inconvenient time.

I experienced the same test of surrender about my family about two weeks ago. I really felt like God wanted me to think about what it would be like if I lived thousands of miles away on another continent. It scared me. That's where I feel safe. But I knew that sometimes we don't get to stay where we feel safe. And He broke me, I finally gave up trying to hold on to them so tightly, and surrendered. Gosh, it was HARD. I cried for two days (not when they could see me of course! ;)

Through both of these experiences I've found a peace. I can't really explain it, it's like when I finally let go of the two things that I really wanted, I found a peace. And I look at both things in a completely different perspective. I really want to make the most of my time here, because I know that one day I might be somewhere far away, and I'll miss them and only have my memories that I make now to cherish. But when God calls us, He will be faithful to take care of us (and the ones we care about).

Hmm, that's my 2 cents for now...

Keep posted for some Bolivia news!!! I'm leaving next Wednesday! Praying to get a visa tomorrow!