On Being Content.

An attitude adjustment can make a world of difference.

So I've been in the process for learning this for what feels like an eternity. I guess it's only been about 20 some years though.

Lately especially I've been having a pity party for myself. I'll give you an example [or five!]:
"If only I had some good friends here then my life would come together".
(or "...if only my job and home were 30 minutes closer to each other...";
"...I could get into grad school...";
"...my Mr. Right would walk into my life...";
"...I could find a great church...";
...You get the idea). Doesn't God WANT me to have these things?

I began to feel that perhaps ...
the faint at heart may want to stop here...



God was holding out on me.
Gasp! I know I shouldn't even think such things.
But in my heart I was thinking this as I was out running one morning in the sweltering heat.

When I got back to the house and was doing my devotions that very day, I read Psalm 84:11-12a

For the LORD God is a Sun and shield;
The LORD gives grace and glory;
no good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
Indeed the LORD will give what is good.

Oh.
Then I checked my e-mail. And what did I happen to find?
An acceptance letter to grad school. I laughed at my silliness, and God's sense of humor.
Okay, so I'm starting to get the point.

So I continue to quote this verse to myself over the next few weeks when I start to get frustrated and impatient.

Then on my 50 minute drive home from work yesterday, I thought to myself:
what do I really want?
So off I go listing my wishlist: Apartment, Friends, Church, Mr. Right, grad school, etc.
And then I thought, "so then what would my life look like?"
Would I really be content, or would I want back what I have right now?
If I had a lot of friends would I say to myself, "I wish I had an evening off just to read a book"?,
or if I had an apartment would I say to myself: "I wish I had more time to spend with my family"?
or if I had a "church" on which I was depending for all my spiritual nourishment would I forget to make the time to read my bible, journal and get spiritual nourishment from the resources I have?
Of course I would!! I'm human. I know myself.
And when I'm discontent
my circumstances are not going to change my attitude.
(...I'll just find something else to complain about.)

Somehow this little revelation made the biggest difference for me. Now I see that God really DOES have my best interests in mind. It wasn't an accident that He put me right here. That he put my family in here, and that He is helping me learn patience. And though I don't understand why some things have to take so long, I feel content.
All I can do is hang on to my Savior, my Strength and my Guide.

*Incidentally, even though I thought I wanted to go to grad school right now, I might actually wait another semester for different reasons. And I feel okay with that. :)

(Disclaimer* I do actually know the importance of the fellowship of the Saints and am in no way stating that I intend to float around indefinitely. Let's just say that the whole adjustment process has been draining on many different levels and I feel like I am finally starting to settle in and figure out what I'm doing.)


FYI: In English,
Contentment does not equal happiness. I would say more like PEACE>.

The Question Everyone's Asking.

Last week I was at work making sure that the boys were getting ready for bed, one boy walked out of the bathroom and paused a second.
"Miss, ...am I ugly?"
I was a bit taken aback, and said "nooo!"
"I'm not?" He asked still not convinced. "Then I'm good looking?"
"Yes." I smiled and nodded.
"Okay," he quietly said as he ducked into his bedroom.
I was a little bothered by the fact that he was concerned about that. But continued with my paperwork.
Not even five minutes later one of the other boys who had climbed up on his bunk-bed said, "Miss, am I happy...or am I dumb?" This boy has recently arrived and doesn't really know how to read or write. He's very happy always laughing. The boys sometimes make fun of him and tell him that he's stupid. Well, apparently this did bother the young man...even though he pretends it doesn't.
I told him that he was not dumb.
He somberly nodded and continued listening to his music.

Then I started thinking, these are both very good-looking, happy guys who make friends easily. Maybe he didn't really want to know if he was happy or dumb. Maybe the other boy wasn't fishing for a compliment. Maybe what they want to know--what we all want to know is, "Am I okay?" "Am I acceptable to you?" "Do you like me?" Well...maybe we want reassurance that we're not stupid or ugly either. But we care about what others think of us.
So you better believe that we are going to be exploring this deeper issue that is affecting these young men, and me, and probably everyone else I know...

Fortunately we can know that we ARE okay because we're made in the image of God. Not that we look like Him physically, and a lot of us don't even act like Him sometimes...but He made us. Here's what The Good Book says:

God created man in His own image,
in the image of God He created him;
male and female He created them.
God blessed them...
(Genesis 1:27-28A.)

And then it goes on to say,

God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.
Genesis 1:31 (emphasis mine).

My former pastor preached a series one time on 'people in the image of God'. He reminded us that the way we treat people should be pleasing to God. Because WE are made in God's image, but the people we are interacting with are made in God's image too. So...basically we have no excuse for disrespecting anyone. Ever.

So Dear Friends, I'll leave you with one last [obvious] thought:
We are okay... We're better than okay. We are "very good". In fact it seems to imply that we are pleasing to God. It's like when you finish making something, and you get that satisfaction that you have outdone yourself...I kinda think that might be how God felt as he looked at us.

a Million Pieces [kinda like confetti].

In two years over 400 boys have passed through the shelter where I work. I've worked there about a month and probably about 20 boys have already [come and] gone.

It makes me kinda sad to think about all of "my kids" all over the world. It's not like I'll see them again, or be able to stay in contact with them. *Just part of my job.

So I thought about how God puts different people in our lives, and although we HOPE to touch their lives, they always touch ours. I know God has put me here, and so for the good and... hard days I know that I want to try my very best to touch and be touched by them.

I hear a lot of funny things, have some hard conversations and see some incredible changes in these kids.

So my heart will be all over the world once these kids leave with it (not to mention all the people I've been touched by in Ohio, Bolivia, and Mexico too) but little pieces of them will stick with me forever too.

NEVER say never.

I thought it would be a good idea to keep you updated on what I was doing post-Bolivia--since so much has changed. It's been a few months of adjustment-a little bit longer than expected!! But God's been faithful.

I had been working at Tractor Supply Company since January as a cashier. It was such a blessing having an easy job that was close by. I really liked my co-workers and customers. The work was pretty cool too--but as it goes, "all good things must come to an end"...but that doesn't mean that it's the best we ever get...

About two months ago my mom handed me the classifieds and announced that she had found a "perfect job" for me. It was a children's home with the Baptist Child and Family Services. That next week I randomly met the director of the International Children's Shelter at my work. I visited the shelter, and did an application for employment shortly thereafter. I was a little nervous about working with teenage boys who don't speak any English. But I felt such a peace about it that when I was offered the position I knew that was my new mission in life.

The shelter has two homes and holds up to 28 boys. They are all from South and Central America. It is a very structured program, but without an institutional feel. The shelter is basically a juvenile facility for "unaccompanied minors"--illegal immigrants. They stay for about "3 months--usually less, though sometimes more. They attend school on campus, have meals family style, do chores, and are able to play, watch tv, call home, and--this is the best part--learn about God!

I started this adventure on Tuesday and although I've been there 4 days, I love it! At least once a day I look around and thank God for this amazing opportunity. And at least five times a day, I ask myself if I can really do this! No doubt it will be a huge challenge-likely the biggest of my life-but at least I'm not on my own. The boys have been very friendly. The turnover rate is pretty high, as these kids are only here until they are deported or have paperwork finished to stay here. I've already said goodbye to three kids. That'll probably get kinda hard after a while.
*these are some of my favorite boys from my time in Bolivia!

Tonight was Jose Andres' last night. One of the boys asked if we could say a special prayer for him. Of COURSE we said yes! One of the staff asked the boys who would like to say the prayer,
Miss Kristina!! They, all too quickly, responded.
*deer in the headlights look!*
"well, uh..." I stammered, " I think it would be better if someone who spoke Spanish as a first language prayed", I mumbled to a true bilingual speaker staff-person who was standing next to me.
"Nope", he shook his head, "it will mean a lot to them if YOU pray".
"okay", I sighed, "I can do this". Meanwhile my mind was running a million miles a second trying to organize what I wanted to say and thinking of all the correct tenses.
We all got in a circle with Jose Andres in the middle.
...And my mind went blank. I struggled through a prayer, glad that God understood and hoping he put everything unjumbled in these boys' minds.

As soon as the boys got in bed I ran an errand to the other home, and realized that NEVER in my wildest imagination would I have pictured myself where I am. If I hadn't majored in Spanish (even though at the time I believed it was somewhat of a "worthless degree" without the teaching certificate) then I wouldn't have gone to Bolivia. If I hadn't gone to Bolivia, I would never have thought I could actually work with kids in this kind of setting. So here we see once again that God is SOOOO faithful! And doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Sooo...that's about it. My random new mission is working with teenage boys, who's first language is not the same as mine, and who are "at risk" kids. I'm pretty sure that at some time or another I told myself that I would never [be able to] do even one of those things.

Thanks for your love, prayers and support.
Kristen.

2 months later and STILL processing...

Dear Readers,
I'm sorry that it's been so long since I have posted on here. I arrived back in the States about a month and a half ago. The transition has been harder than I expected, but God continues to be ever so faithful. I'll try to give you a brief summary.

My final days in Cochabamba were so rich. From Christmas parties with the kids, to extra spare moments that God gave me, to reunions with people I didn't think I would get to see (Remberto, Vick and family, some friends from church, Michelle (previous intern) and Mallory Timmer.). It was just a really sweet time. Goodbyes were hard, though I wasn't nearly as emotional as I thought. I do hope that I am able to keep in touch with all of my new found family there.

I got back to the airport very early in the morning of December 17th. I had hoped to arrive on the 16th at around 11:30 because then I would get to see my mom on her birthday, but flights were delayed and I almost was stuck in Dallas, but everything worked out and I made it home. My 8 siblings who still live at home, my twin, my parents and my former co-worker with International Teams Jaclyn were all there at the airport to greet me. It was wonderful.
I spent the holidays with family. It wasn't too hard reacquainting myself with family except for my youngest niece Sadie who still is a bit suspicious. We went to the coast for New Years which I suspect will become a family tradition.
Two days after New Years my brother Jon and I went on a roadtrip to Ohio. I was able to spend time with him, friends and extended family which was so incredibly refreshing. It was also really good to go back to my church. I was so encouraged by the pastors, deacon/mission board and several individuals whom God has used in my life. It was also nice to experience snow for a few days!
I'm working nearly full time at TSC. Never in my life would I have dreamed that at twenty-three, possesing a bachelor's degree I would be so thankful for a job as a cashier. But I really believe that God gave me that job. It's not a well paying job, but it's easy, I work with good people and it keeps me busy.
I've applied to two grad schools here in Texas for social work. It's a two year program and it will give me more confidence and opportunities to work with kids. I'm excited about it.

Coming back from Bolivia, I had already been warned of the huge adjustment that returning would be. Reverse-culture shock, confusion, depression and apathy were a few words that were thrown around in our debriefing session. I guess I was a bit skeptical that ANY of those words would ever be used to express me. I guess I could have been a little bit wrong. Or even MOSTLY wrong. The truth is that it is really hard to come back, and maybe even more so for me because I came somewhere where I basically know NO one. Argh. So you can keep praying for me to adjust to living in Texas, sooo far away from everything I've ever known, and with my family again. They've actually been really good about it. I get three sets of hugs and kisses every night before bed from the three littlest boys. :)
Well, I guess that's about it. Thanks for all your support, love and encouragement.
Keep on keeping on.
Kristen

The best Christmas present: Franz got out of the Malnutrition Center on Christmas Ever. I went to see him a few days before I left and he was doing SO much better!!

The Long Goodbye.

This will most likely be my last blog entry from Bolivia. I cannot believe it is already time to leave here. While I do feel like I have been gone for a long time, it doesn’t feel like I’ve been here for almost a year.
This past week has been incredibly busy, with the normal ministry things, as well as all the last things I need to do before leaving.
On Tuesday Jen, Mike and I went to the malnutrition center to see little Franz. He was standing at the top of the stairs with a huge grin on his face when we walked in. He gave hugs and sat contentedly in our laps while we gave him warm milk and a cracker. He has gained one kilo and the change is incredible. He looks bigger, has more color and is happier…until we left that is. Then he cried and cried. It was very hard to leave, but I was so grateful to see him before I left and know for myself that he is doing so much better! He’ll have to stay there for a few more weeks, but I know he’s in good hands…the malnutrition center staff is pretty good too!
I finally got my passport with a new visa in it. I was at immigration four times this week (within three days!). I was then able to help one of my roommates navigate her way around immigration to do some minor paperwork. I joked to her that I would miss all of those people, after all I see them almost as much as the kids!
My former roommate Michelle returned to Cochabamba this weekend. She’s back in Bolivia exploring the possibility of returning for long-term work. It was very good to see her again. She’s staying with me at the hacienda, participating in our weekly duties as well as some of her own with her prospective new ministry. It’s such a good feeling, being here when friends return. It makes me feel more permanent here.
On Sunday I went to mass with my Spanish teacher. She goes to one of the biggest catholic churches in Cochabamba. It wasn’t all that different than I expected it to be. It was about an hour, nearly the entire service consisted of liturgies that were written out for everyone to follow along and participate, there were also some very short songs (liturgies and psalms set to music), and of course, the eucharist. I had wanted to go to mass since arriving since this is a predominately catholic culture.
After mass I had tea with my professor and then made my way to my own church. I get a bit nervous walking up there after the last time…but all was well. I arrived, and it just so happened to be the closing program for OANSA (AWANA). I was thrilled! I think AWANA is a fantastic program, and it was very cool to see all of the kids that come to participate (as well as hear the well known songs, pledge and themes in Spanish!)
This week we are having Christmas parties with the two homes. We invested in some Christmas cookie cutters, and are going to read some stories and give some gifts. I think it’s gonna be great! We still haven’t any news on Ana, so you can keep praying with us to find her.
I have been saying a lot of sad goodbyes this week. I wish I could tell you all about my friends, mentors and coworkers here, but that would take way too long. Maybe I can do a blog on some of them so you can see how great they are…
Next week I’ll try to give you a brief summary of my future plans. For right now I’ll go to spend Christmas with my family in Texas, then go to Ohio right after the new year to see my friends, family and supporters there.
Thanks for all you’ve done.
Love.
Kristen

Greetings Friends!
Happy late Thanksgiving!! Hope you enjoyed your day of food, family and fun! Although Thanksgiving is a North American holiday, we did stop to celebrate here in Cochabamba as well. I spent Wednesday night at my adopted family’s house. We made a big breakfast the next day, then I went home made some pies, called my family, and went to the Timmers for dinner.


We had home made dressing, a big turkey, delicious applesauce, and lots of pies. Amazing! Adrian joined us so this was his first Thanksgiving (he’s Australian). Then we took Thanksgiving to my adopted family’s house (they didn’t celebrate due to other circumstances) and watched a movie on their projector.
We’ve been preparing for Friday morning for awhile, not just because we were going to overeat the day before, but because Friday was the day when we switched house parents for the Villa Israel home. We took the kids to the park to tell them the news while Mike stayed to tell the former house parents that they were no longer going to be living there with the kids. While it was a very emotional day, we are positive that it was the best thing for everyone. Everyone is settling in well with the changes. Incidentally, the night before this change took place Ana ran away. We still do not know where she is so you can be praying with us that we find her soon.
Friday morning also happened to be the day that Samuel graduated from Kindergarten. So I got to be his “Madrina” (Godmother). I walked him down the aisle, in his little cap and gown. You can imagine how excited I was!!

Saturday we went to a parade that was put on by one of the biggest local universities. All of the groups had traditional outfits from various departments of Bolivia. Our friend Kattia danced in the parade. The parade was from 11:30 to 6, but we left around 2.




In the afternoon we had a Feria (fair) at the center where the kids could come spend their points that they earn for good behavior, attendance at the center and at church. I did face painting again. My artistic skills are not necessarily getting any better as I “mature”. But the kids seemed to believe that it was well worth 5 bonos (points).
Sunday morning I set off for church, I walked alone, but I didn’t really mind. Happy to be taking advantage of the beautiful weather, with my ipod providing an agreeable soundtrack. As I neared the church a white unmarked taxi roared up beside me and someone reached out the window and ripped my purse out of my hand. I screamed, and then just stood there and watched them speed away. I felt so helpless and violated at the same time. I immediately told myself that those are just things. I can replace them, but still felt incredibly sad to have lost it all at once. I felt so emotional which made me feel so materialistic to be so upset about the whole experience. After church I told two of my friends. They then told me that they will walk with me to church in the future so I don’t have to walk alone, and then loaned me some money so I didn’t have to then make the one and a half hour walk home, and waited with me for the trufi (public transportation here). How incredibly grateful I am for those two friends!!!
Last night we had a bunch of friends over for a bonfire, and kind of as one last hoorah before everyone leaves. Katie T., Matt and Elsa, and Katie S. all leave this week.
Well, I guess I’ve stolen enough of your life away with this long update!! Hope you’re enjoying this season of advent!
Love.
Kristen