Under pressure, when you're shocked/surprised, when you're with those you know and love the most, when you're mistreated, etc. There's not really any way to hide it, I don't think…
I just finished reading two really good books. They both take place in WWII, both of the main characters are held in prison camps, put under pressure, beaten, psychologically manipulated, looked up to by their co-prisoners, and both lost people that were very close to them. But they responded so differently.
Unboken by Laura Hillenbrand is the story of Louie Zamperini, and Evidence Not Seen by Darlene Deibler Rose is her autobiography. There are lots of similarities in their situations but as I read I felt increasingly discouraged and hopeless as I followed Louies story…that is until the end when he reaches the end of himself and comes to know the Lord. It's amazing the transformation to how he mends his marriage, and refocuses his energy into helping people and moving forward…and even forgiving the men who abused him. Darlene's story was sad, and awful-in different ways, but I found that for some reason there was hope. She knew it was likely she could die, but she found her strength in the Lord, she found consolation in the One who loved her so deeply, and she found hope that no matter what happened the Lord would use her pain and grief for some greater good.
I began to think…if something like that happened would what I have filled my life with give me hope? Would I know enough of God's promises and truths to sustain me and encourage others? Or would I only be able to think of articles that I had read that offered no real wisdom? Could i think of songs of praise of God's sovereignty and trust in His goodness? Or would I only have pointless songs of breakups and shallow love songs? Could I have enough meaningful conversations stored away in the recesses of my mind, or would I only be able to think of small talk had or feel-good movies that I had watched?
I remain so convicted of my apathy. I know that in the situations where I find my ugly side showing itself, instead, I want God's wisdom and goodness to pour out of me.
(*I totally recommend BOTH of these books!)
"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45
"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Ps 119:11
"The law of their God is in their hearts; their feet do not slip." Ps. 37:31
"I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart." Ps. 40:8